APRIL 2002

April is here and that means we are looking forward to a few showers to alleviate the very hot, humid days but I suspect that the raindrops will not be too plentiful.  When I posted the silly names last month I did not expect such a good response.  I am still chuckling as I start off this month quoting some additional names submitted by readers of this column.  Additionally I am printing, without any changes (except for some glaring spelling errors by Harro) a response from Harro to my comments last month.  I am always happy to present the "other side" so readers can form their own opinions.  Some of you may have to go back to the March column to refresh your memories.

How about Intercourse, Pennsylvania?  The best part of this city name is that this town is in the middle of ultra-conservative Amish country.  If you don't believe it, go to:

http://www.800padutch.com/intercs.shtml  (Submitted by David Keleman)

David also submitted another town in Amish country named "Blue Balls" PA.  What are these Amish folks thinking about, maybe lack of "Intercourse" resulting in "Blue Balls"?

In Norway there is a Hell and it is really. It is up near Trondheim. The weather is opposite of Hot.  (Submitted by Think2Ice)

Michigan, USA has a Hell, Climax, and an Intercourse.  Shows you what folks in Michigan think of when it is cold.  (Submitted by Kabayo)

With regard to places with silly names, in England you will find the following:

 
TWATT IN SHETLAND
BOTTOM FLASH IN CHESHIRE
GREAT COCK UP IN CUMBRIA
COCKER MOUTH IN CUMBRIA
THREE COCKS IN WALES
And my personal favorite
LORD HEREFORD'S KNOB IN WALES
(Submitted by GreenRawhide)

Chester Comeau, from New Hampshire dropped by the Blue Boar Inn with his new wife and told me that there is a small town in Texas named "Whatsittoyou".  He discovered it by taking a shortcut when driving cross-country.  He's not sure if it is still there as this was 7 or 8 years ago.  Can you imagine somebody from this town being stopped on the highway for a traffic violation and the policeman asks where he was from and the driver replies "Whatsittoyou" - that could get a bit of a reaction, personally, I'd move to another town!

Dear Harry,

I read your March 2002 addition and could not stop laughing about the various funny names of cities around the world.  Well, I have one for you, it is called Beaverlick, KY.  I have checked and verified that there is really a city called that here in the US, check for yourself.  Anyways, I will be in AC during the month of March.  Hope to see some of the people on the board there.  Well, keep up all the good work thanks for all the monthly posts. (Submitted by Neil Bennet)
Note:  Nothing wrong with a bit of "beaverlickin" Neil - May you enjoy fine dining in Angeles City during your visit. 

Dear Harry,

Firstly thank you for any positive comment about me or any business I am associated with as any news is good News and I prefer to be in than out of it.

As of writing I am still 50% partnership of Blue K of which my 50% is for sale at US$9,000 to any buyer.

The whole 4 year lease with option lease is US$25,000.

I must make it very clear that Lewie and I are still friends and will remain so in the future.

My share was offered to him first of course but he is not in a position to take up the offer.

There are a few things we do not agree on and both agree to disagree, so when the lease became available on HT GEES I snapped it up as I am, like you a great believer in the location and the general West end area.

HT GEES is a dancing bar and it's hours 6pm to 2am makes it the latest opening bar in this area, which hours where chosen by locals in the area not ready to go home at 1am.

I am not in competition with Blue K or any bar for that matter in this area as we are a different style to anything in the area, prime objective is to get people to this end of town with an option of more than a one stop shop.

I would like to invite you tonight if possible or at your leisure to see for yourself, naturally the drinks are on me.

Secondly, the 6pm Sunday pool League was not started to end or attract from either of the other two Sunday Leagues and there was 19 separate bars invited so it was open to everyone of which 10 accepted.

The fun league was in tatters as you must have seen with 5 teams left no likely hood of anyone else joining and my two teams although winning finding it senseless to be on top and then start a new season without playoffs, which both teams had shown no interest in continuing on, leaving three.

Pecos Pete's pulling out because of numbers, it was the sign of the end, we committed for two seasons and never showed up without numbers to any game, so I feel although our team was too good we still spent money, doing our best to create business for all.

In Benny's league I had been told by Jim Stampede he would no longer continue as he was not happy with the way fines and rules were restricting his team, Terry Fantastic said he and The Jungle wanted out also, so without any invitations we had a base of six teams.

The format was put out in general to make it harder for the better teams, having the A & B player system so teams like mine could not play their best players every game, next we did not want to have girls teams, although as individuals girls can play, we wanted playoffs to have a final winner, on any day the best team can lose a playoff, believe me I have been in many losing final teams but the challenge of being there win or lose still makes it worth while and the final major change is that we wanted an expat league as is on the successful Thursday league and Tuesday night expat league.

They were the main 4 changes the rest was up to the joining teams, the entry fee of P250 100% goes on the bar of the Championship team ,that the Sunday after the final all players who took part in the season can drink on the house enjoy the presentation of trophies and awards and take part in the drawing of the new season.

It was the first time after many years that we have had a chance to amalgamate the two leagues and make a super league which could have been the biggest league in Angeles since the glory days, some teams I was disappointed they chose not to join , some just too hard headed not to see the best outcome for Sunday Pool, which at the end of the day is to get bums on seats on a slow night.

I hope you do not take offense to my reply as I do enjoy your column but feel; my side should also be heard.

I have attached some picture you might need to give you some idea of HT GEES but in all I would like you to visit.

With respect,

Harro TG

HIDDEN VALE (FORMERLY GREENLANDS)

Driving Range Observation Deck

For those of you that have not visited Hidden Vale Golf and Country Club lately I would suggest that you jump in your car, jeepney, taxi, etc., and give it a look see.  Many of you have questions, complaints, and reservations about the new set-up and are not sure what to expect in the future.  Disregard all that and just spend a bit of time watching the construction going on, it is a very exciting act, and for now, it is free.  With each passing week the picture changes, as construction is a 24-hour operation.  This writer tries to get there two or three times a week for a swim and it amazes me to see the progress being made and the professionalism shown by the contractor and his workers.  Just thinking about the cost of this project makes my head swim and one can understand why Greg, at times, is a bit sensitive to criticism.  When one is involved in an endeavor this big, especially one that affects 400 or so "members" it is best to accept the fact that there will be many different reactions (both positive and negative) to everything the owner does and many people just want to stay informed.  Many individuals have approached Greg asking about John Martin and how they can reach him so they can seek answers to questions they would like to direct to him regarding their original memberships to Greenlands.  Greg is pleased to be able to let interested parties know that they can direct their queries to John Martin, c/o Casanova Compound, Mactan Island, Cebu.  If visiting Cebu one can usually locate him while having a few drinks at Captain Greg's Hotel, next to the old Cebu/Mactan Bridge. 

Looks like a crap game in progress.

On Tuesday, 2 April, at 6:00 PM, the 68 member Greenland's Members Association (GMA) will meet at the Plow and Harrow Restaurant, located next to the Lazatin Vinegar Factory, as you head past Holy Angel University and the big church downtown.  This group is made up of prominent locals who are charter members of Greenlands with common questions about current and future memberships in the new Hidden Vale structure.  There are ex-pat members as well but it is hoped that more ex-pats will attend the 2 Apr meeting.  The objective is to be able to consolidate concerns and questions of members and be able to select representatives to interact with Greg McDougall.  Additionally, it is hoped that in the future, when Hidden Vale is open to memberships and up and running full blast, that the GMA will continue to function in such a way that Greg will be able to use this group for opinions and suggestions.  The 2 April meeting is organizational in nature and it is hoped that there will be a large turnout.

NOTE:  Many members have received information sheets from a so-called G.S.R. Frustrated Members Club headed up by one Manny Lamangan.  It is the opinion of this writer that this Manny Lamangan is an alias and that this club does not exist at all.  My opinion is based on the fact that repeated E-mails to the address provided have not been answered and recently a member of the GMA, who received Special Sheets from this man via the mail system could not be located at the return address provided.

HOLD THE "TAPS" - I CAN WAIT

Final tribute to a proud veteran.

Last month I reported that Paul Dunn, a well-known popular figure in Angeles City was seriously ill, regretfully Paul passed away and was interred at Clark Cemetery.  There was a very large turnout of mourners for the burial and as usual, the playing of taps brought tears to my eyes; that happens even when I see a movie depicting the burial of a veteran and Taps is played.  Could it be because I know that at some time that bugle will play for me?    You know, it's not a woman that is "breaking up that old gang of mine", it's that darn bugle playing taps.  I guess as I get older and more and more people I knew and spent time with encounter the "big sleep" I think of my own mortality.  It does make me appreciate each day I am able to wake up and greet the day but lately, I have begun to think about gathering pertinent paperwork needed for legal purposes that Priscilla will need, i.e., a will, bank account data, military papers and all that administrative paperwork that we would like to not think about.  One bit of advice, for the many old timers out there that have lived with a woman for many years and not married, unless you are thinking about a change, you might consider tying the knot.  It will save a lot of legal complications if you do kind of depart this earth unexpectedly.  Priscilla gets mad at me when I talk about buying my casket in advance and storing it somewhere.  I figure I am going to have to pay for it anyway and I hate the thought of buying something I will not get to see, especially when I will be using it for quite some time.  Would you believe that just when I was getting depressed thinking of my increasing age, that seems to accelerate with each passing year, someone forwards me the following words of wisdom from George Carlin:

The Aging Process
By George Carlin

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions:

"How old are you?" "I'm four and a half!"

You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five!

That's the key. You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead. "How old are you?"
"I'm gonna be 16!" You could be 13, but hey, you're gonna' be 16!

And then the greatest day of your life ... you become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony. YOU BECOME 21...YESSSS!!!

But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there?
Makes you sound like bad milk.   He TURNED, we had to throw him out.
There's no fun now, you're just a sourdumpling.  What's wrong?   What's changed?
You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40.

Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away.

Before you know it, you REACH 50 ...and your dreams are gone.

But wait, you MAKE it to 60.   You didn't think you would!

So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60.

You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70!
After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!

You get into your 80s and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime.   My grandmother won't even buy green bananas!   It's an investment, you know, and maybe a bad one!!
And it doesn't end there.

Into the 90s, you start going backwards; "I was JUST 92."

Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. "I'm 100and-a-half!"

May you all make it (healthy and blessed) to 100 and a half!!  (This horse will drink to that!)

BEING RIGHT IS BEING WRONG

One lesson Filipinos learned from their American colonizers was the art of litigation. They will sue at the drop of a hat for the most innocuous of reasons. To help alleviate the burden on the courts, they have developed a low level arbitraton system whereby any person can go to their local barangay office and file a compliant against any other person or persons. The barangay is the lowest level of local government in the Philippines. They have elected officials who have a lot of influence on politics up the political ladder. Part of the barangay function is to try to mediate disputes between individuals. The problem is that some people file charges for just about anything and can harass the hell out of anyone they want. When charges are filed, the respondent gets an official notice to appear at a certain time and date. Both parties must be present in order for a hearing to be held and if one of the parties is not present the case is continued from week to week for 3 weeks. This means a person could file a complaint and the respondent appear but the complainant not appear and the respondent must return each week. Of course, the correct way to handle this is to dismiss the case and not waste anyone's time. If a settlement can not be reached (money paid), the complainant may then, depending on the grievance, take the matter to the court system.

Bar employees have long used the barangay as a way to hassle foreign employers. Here is an interesting case. A bar found a second unauthorized receipt book in one of their cash drawers. They put two and two together
and figured the cashier was writing orders using her book and pocketing the cash. Since there was no proof, the decided to relieve her of her responsibilities and assign her to a different job. This is perfectly legal provided her salary and seniority remain in tact. She decided she did not want the new assignment and stopped showing up for work. The bar followed all the proper labor procedures and sent registered letters requesting an explanation why she did not report as assigned and finally terminated her for being absent without proper leave.

She decided to take it to the labor department and sued the bar for illegal dismissal, back wages, etc. The bar lost the case, but it looks like they will win on appeal.

It is this bar's policy that employees who have left their employ under less than favorable conditions are not permitted inside their place of business. Somehow, the employee in question got by their security guard and was in the bar one evening when the owner walked in. He politely asked her to leave. She gave him some static about being a paying customer and had the right to drink there. He explained company policy and she left (without paying her bill). A few minutes later she came back with 3 policemen who asked why she was refused service. The owner explained the company policy to them and they left without further incident.

A couple of weeks later, the owner received a summons from the barangay that the employee filed a charge of 'Harassment of a paying customer'. The detailed complaint was pretty much as described above. The owner wrote a polite letter back to the barangay informing them that he thought he had the right to refuse service to anyone, but even so, it was not harassment as this was company policy.

The next week he received a summons from them whereby the ex employee charged him with slander. The complaint said "He said I made money from him.". So, the owner again wrote a letter telling the barangay that he knew nothing of what she was talking about and hoped that would end the matter.

The following week, he received another summons ordering him to appear to answer the charges. He appeared as scheduled. When the case was called, the arbitrator asked the woman for the entire story. She related the incident
pretty much as described above except the part about her being an ex-employee. He then asked the owner his side and the owner agreed that her story was accurate, but he also explained that she was an ex-employee who left the company under less than favorable conditions and, therefore, was not allowed in the place of business. The barangay official agreed with the owner and the woman decided to drop the charges, but she insisted on moving
on to the slander charge. She was again asked to relate her side of the story and she said "he lost a labor case to me and said I made money from him." The owner said something to the effect that he did not recall the conversation, but even if it took place since he lost the labor case and was awarded money, then she did make money from him. So, where's the slander?

The barangay officials know harassment when they see it. The arbitrator asked her if the alleged slander took place on the night of her eviction. She said yes. He asked why she didn't file the cases at the same time. She had a very weak answer. He then said something to the effect 'That since you've dropped the harassment charge and since the events took place at the same time, the slander charge is, therefore, invalid. She couldn't believe it and said 'I did not sign the dismissal and retract it.'. He asked if she still wanted to take it to the courts and she said yes. The owner asked 'If she takes it to court, can I call you as witness to testify to these proceedings'. The answer was yes.

The end of this story is yet to be told. It would be less than fair to insinuate that this only happens to foreigners, but they do make easy targets. It is very rare, indeed, when one wins these kinds of cases.

THAT LITTLE GRAY CLOUD

Many years ago, as a kid, I loved that song by Johnny Ray titled "Little White Cloud That Cried" and recently events in Angeles City have made me feel that not a "white cloud" but a little ole "gray cloud" is hovering over Fields Ave.  My concern is the recent increase in the number of ex-pats being accused of violating various laws and regulations that end up with their spending a bit of time in a hotel featuring bars and less than desirable living conditions.  These Ex-pats are not tourists but folks that have been conducting business in this town for quite some time and have invested a bit of money and a lot of time in trying to create a festive environment in Angeles City.  Now, a smorgasbord of charges are being leveled and also, they find themselves in hot water with visa violations.  It has been reported to me by a reliable source that there is a list of 10 names of well-known investors on Fields Ave for which 5 Mission Orders have been issued (two names to each mission order).  So far, only two of the people named have been singled out for aggressive investigation.  This scenario is not conducive to attracting new investors to this area and many folks are asking, "Who is next"?  At this time I cannot provide any further details as legal negotiations are on going and we can only hope that the latest cases will be resolved favorably.  One must accept the fact that regardless of the outcome, the individuals concerned will have had to spend quite a bit of money to get their "get out of jail" passes.  Regretfully, that "gray cloud" does not show any signs of disappearing any time too quickly.

BACK AGAIN

Last month I wrote about construction of a major drainage system on Fields Ave was held up because of one influential illegal stall owner, with connections to a City Councilor, refusing to vacate the stalls in question.  At the time, it was reported in a local newspaper that permits had not been issued for these structures and even CDC officials indicated that they were not legal.  Many rejoiced when the stalls were bulldozed and construction was allowed to continue.  Now these structures have been rebuilt, but this time the construction is better than before and appear more permanent.  Are these structures now considered legal?  If so, have the necessary building permits been issued?  It is regrettable that CDC officials continue to allow the traffic jamming mess caused by all the illegal structures, many of which are eyesores, and some being hangouts for thugs at night, along the north side of Fields Ave all the way from the Checkpoint to the area in front of the Roadhouse.  Somebody high up in the CDC hierarchy does not appear to have the necessary backbone to clean up a mess they are directly responsible for.  Mayor Lazatin wants to improve subject area but there does not appear to exist the necessary cooperation from the CDC hierarchy.  How bout it Dr. Angeles, why do you continue to ignore this situation?  Is it because your driver does not have to travel along Fields Ave to get you to work and home each day? 

Back Again!

RETURN OF THE HAPPY HOOKER

While walking to Kokomos one afternoon I noticed that new construction was taking place at the old Happy Hooker building.  Being a bit nosey I noticed Thommo who I met when he was the manager of the Flamingo bar at the Orchid Inn.  When asked what was going on, Thommo informed me he and a partner were doing some major renovations and that sometime this month he expected to be open for business.  It was not definite but he was thinking of bringing back the Happy Hooker name for this bar as it does have a bit of history and is remembered by many customers.  Good luck Thommo, see you after the "Hooker" is up and running.

MARINE BAR SINKS

The Marine Bar on Real Street sinks with a big "Splash" as their electricity and water was cut off.  An informed source indicated that their electric bills were more than 2 months in arrears.  After the water was shut off the bar started "borrowing" water from one of the sari-sari stores across the street.  It was amusing to see the sign on the entrance door indicating the bar was "closed for a private party" with the place padlocked from the outside.  I guess the party was going so well that they wanted to keep the customers in!  Further information from this source revealed that an Australian who has invested in the Marine Bar rolled into town to check on his "investment".  He asked to see the books.  Kel, the manager (not owner), showed him some figures that indicated the bar had excellent sales.  But, alas, no profits.  The investor pulled the money plug about the same time Angeles Electric pulled the meter, but he still gave the manager the funds to pay the staff.  Reports are that the staff didn't get paid and scattered all over town.  Because of the expense of filling the pool on a regular basis, the manager convinced the investor into putting up enough money to drill a deep well INSIDE the bar (You can try to stop laughing now).  This was done.  Really!  Word is that the well is 9 or 10 meters deep.  I'm not sure I'd want to drink ice made by water from this well or worse, swim in it.  Anyway, by now the investor was beginning to see the light and has decided to sell rather than put more.  BUT, potential buyers beware - DWPS, Inc., a corporation managed by Kokomo's has put a sign on the building informing any potential buyers that they better talk to a DWPS official before giving any money to the manager, who through some creative paperwork, thinks that he owns the place.  The history of the transactions involving the building that was named "Temple of Rock", then "Kosmos", then "Splash" and finally "Marine Bar" follows a rather complicated trail that can be explained in detail by talking to DWPS, Inc., representative, Dave, at Kokomo's. 

Private Party? - Guess Again!

OK, OK, I forgot to put this in last month.  Sorry Joe, but I'm sure there are still some folks waiting until the last minute to file their U.S. taxes that will be needing your assistance.  Joe Henddy is known as the Tax Man and he has said that no job is too big or too small and that if you are due a refund, it can be deposited directly to your bank account in three weeks or less.  Joe submits your returns via electronic filing and states that he offers the fastest and most reliable tax services in Angeles City.  The Tax Man offers free estimates and free pick-up!  I had already submitted my tax return before I met Joe so I will have to wait until next year to check out this service.  Meanwhile, for those of you living in Angeles City that need tax preparation assistance call Joe at 09174698253 or E-mail at jafen@datelnet.net/jafen@comclark.com.

Last month I received an E-mail announcing the formation of the "Sons of Bacchus or SOBs for short.  The explanation being that Bacchus was the Roman god of wine and ecstasy so Angeles City being one of the great spots in the world for imbibing and ecstasy, what better name for a group dedicated to the pursuit of both pleasures.  The SOBs are a Doghouse like group of bars that will host a Bacchanalian type party on Thursdays from 5 to 7.  One major difference is that each member bar will bring, depending on the size of the venue, 2 or 3 of their staff.  The host bar will be responsible for entertaining, feeding and, of course, proper watering of the SOBs.  Charter SOB bars are:  Angel's, Blue Fox, Cleopatra, Confetti's, Cottontails, Flamingo, G-Spot, Las Vegas, Monte Carlo (Opening soon), Shanno's, Silk Stockings, Treasure Island and Voodoo. 

Confetti's hosts 1st SOB Nite

The first session was held at Confetti's on March 14^th and the event was well attended.  It was a bit crowded as these events tend to be and it is wise to get to the host bar a bit earlier than 5 PM in order to get a good seat.  The similarity between the weekly Doghouse meeting and the SOBs was apparent but then those in attendance at Confetti's and Cottontails (one week later) did not mind.  The objective is to provide a bit more entertainment for the tourists coming to town and as long as the attendance justifies the holding of this event, then press on.  When talking to John Bulldog, originator of the Doghouse he indicated that bar participants in his Doghouse was limited to 13 in order for each establishment to host an event at least three times a year.  No new bars could be added so the need for the SOBs was apparent and now more bars can participate in this popular event.  Anything that will bring more tourists to Angeles City and keep them happy while here is a plus and can be beneficial to all bars on Fields Ave, as well as further along Don Juico and the hotels and restaurants.  The only problem I can see with the SOBs if for those customers that have lady friends that work in different bars and when attending a meeting finds two or three of his lady friends in attendance.  That could add to the entertainment!  Bottom line, on Tuesdays you can be a "Dog" on Thursdays a "SOB" and on the first Saturday of each month you can be an "Asshole" (Knights of the Brown Ring), would going to church on Sundays offset all those titles? 

Last month Ray Sauvola, owner of 1 Stop Café and Tavern, had his 1998 Kia Pride stolen from in front of his store between the stealing hours of 0430-0500 while he was inside getting ready to go to the market.  Regretfully, he had two briefcases with checkbooks, financial records/files, savings account passbook and checkbooks from USA Credit Union for the regular Masonic Lodge and Fraternal non-profit organization.  What a disaster for Ray who cannot expect to ever see those briefcases again, as well as his car.  But, not to worry, for at least the car was insured through the insurance company represented by Buddy McGuire.  Ray might even get some money for his claim but not before going through a horrendous procedure to do so.  I do not know if all insurance companies in the Philippines make a policy holder jump through so many loops once a vehicle is stolen but this one certainly does.  The following are the requirements to obtain a certificate of non-recovery:  1) Identification document of applicant w/pictures and signature.  2) Clean machine copy of complaint and alarm sheet (Must go to Camp Olivas for this and takes 30 days to obtain).  3) Clear and authenticated machine copies of OR & CR (Notarized).  4) Clear and authenticated machine copies of documents from w/c the vehicle was originally registered.  5) Manufacturer's invoice receipt.  6) LTO confirmation certificate of the motor and chassis number.  7) LTO motor vehicle inspection report clearly showing the stencil of the motor and chassis number.  8) TMG clearance certificate for the original registration. (Sorry, do not know what TMG is, will have to check with Ray).  9) Other proof of ownership leading to the present owner. (By now you would feel like they need blood samples).  10). Two 1X1 ID photos (In case your Insurance Agent does not recognize you?).  As you can tell, it is easy to pay for the insurance policy and I am sure it is easy for the agent to get his commission but it sure is HELL to go through if your car is actually stolen.  Ray has reported that he has obtained all the documents necessary to acquire the Certificate of Non-recovery but this took his wife four days and many hours each day.  At Camp Olivas they had to pay for 14 copies of each document to be Xeroxed at 5 pesos each so they could be sent out to different stations.  On top of that, the official he was dealing with told him that it might take anywhere from 60 to 90 days to get the certificate but if he worked with a "fixer" it might only take 30 days.  Ray has the name of the individual who said this but told his wife not to deal with a fixer, he would wait for however long it took.  When Ray finally gets the Certificate required by the Insurance Company he is not sure if everything he has will pass that company's scrutiny.  What a hassle!!  

Even though Ray must now drive his old Volkswagen that nobody wants to steal, he is still able to get around enough to buy the meat required to cook and present his delicious Bar-B-Q every Wednesday.  A few weeks ago I took Priscilla there for some take out ribs and chicken and she gave her seal of approval to the menu.  This is not easy to get for Mrs. Horse loves her ribs and does not hesitate to criticize.  In this case, I will now be forced to spend more money at Ray's for she wants a repeat order, hopefully, not every week.  Ray serves up his Wednesday treat from 4:30 to 7:00 PM but if you wait until seven, you might be out of luck.  His prices range from P125 to P150 and includes macaroni salad, coleslaw, and hush puppies.  Take out is P5 extra.  This horse, in addition to the Bar-B-Q enjoys his simple, inexpensive, and filling breakfasts as well.  It is a bit off the beaten track for tourists but if you find yourself heading towards Angeles City by way of the Hensonville bridge, stop by and see Ray at the 1 Stop, especially now, he is trying to save up for another car!

Good Cook - Good Food!

Happy Onlookers

Now you knew I was going to write about this contest, one of which, many folks had opinions of.  Personally, I think the Swagman lads remain at the top of the heap in putting on this type of contest.  They were the pioneers of this event and their experience comes through loud and clear.  The venue was perfect, the MC, Marty, did a fine job, the food was fantastic and plentiful and the judges, well, who ever agrees completely with the judges, regardless of where it is held.  Many folks were disappointed that Gemma only came in 6^th, well, if it was a contest based on who could jump in and out of the most beds in one month, she might get up to a number one position but for this contest she could have been rated a bit higher but not number one (Boy, I can imagine how I will be castrated on the Go2Phil message board now).  I did not agree with the number one pick myself, but thought 2^nd place Rubyanne, from Champagne should have been #1, and 1^st Placer Ivy Caballes from Club Nero a bit further down but then I am getting old and my desires are kind of ebbing in different directions.  Let the judges do their thing, someone has to make the difficult decisions.  One thing the Swagman has is the VIP seating area costing P1750 with all you can eat food and drink for the entire day.  I am not talking about routine fare but top of the line items such as prawns, roast lamb, beef, and other items plus the drink was not limited to local booze only but imported as well, if you were a Chivas Regal drinker, it was there for you.  I was surprised to hear that the front seats at the VIP section were taken as early as 0930 and they stayed occupied until the event was over at 1645 hours ( I love throwing in these military times once in a while, it helps me justify my retirement pay).   The next Swagman contest is in October and as cheap as I am, I may spring for the VIP seat.  For sure I can eat P2,000 worth of prawns alone in one day. 

A fun filled Jacuzzi.

Swagman management, actually Rodney, has told me that he has a few original ideas he will test out in the October contest because so many establishments are having these wet T-shirt contests that they are beginning to get a bit repetitive.  So far I will have to say that the Swagman and Orchid Inn contests are up there on my "good job" list.  Kokomo's and Bonanza put on good shows and believe me, whoever has a wet T-shirt contest, there will be a large turnout as for some reason many folks just want to gaze upon tits and ass!  I can compare these to the Academy Awards where the winners can become more marketable, well, you can believe that the on-lookers at the wet T-shirt contests are making notes of where their favorite picks work and will visit them afterwards.  I wonder how much being in the top three increases the contestant's worth?  Maybe Rubyanne will tell me.

Rubyanne takes second place

Club Nero's Ivy bags P10,000

Josie, 21 years old, working at the G-Spot caught my eye and made my April wishful thinking list.  You better believe that this lady is available and just waiting to help some lucky guy have a very enjoyable evening.  Pop into the G-Spot and say hello to Josie.

Josie @ the G-Spot

Someone named John takes full credit for designing these costumes and talking the owner into purchasing them for the four ladies featured here.  I have to agree that they look pretty dam good but I expect them to attack the customers with whips and attach collars and dog leashes as well.  Now that may be a show worthy of the SOB meetings, any volunteers?  Did I forget to mention where they work?  The first person that gets to this bar, finds John, and tells him that he saw the four ladies in this column is entitled to one free local drink and one ladies drink for one of the four pictured here.  The happy winner will be named in next month's column.

The Fearsome Foursome

Last month I was able to meet Jeff Cusick, President of World Star (Philippines), Inc. and he took me on a tour of his factory, located on Clark.  It was amazing to see a factory that produced one utility work truck a day but the trucks Jeff produces are unique in that the body is made of fiberglass.  These bodies will not rust, bend or dent and Jeff demonstrated this by taking a heavy mallet and banging the side of a car with no ill effects at all.  They are amazing and PLDT has placed a large order with this company for a fleet of trucks.  If you want to see them in operation, go on over to Hidden Vale (Greenlands) and observe two of them in operation.  They are being used for golf course maintenance and for hauling golfers.  They are small but mighty and very affordable.  Jeff is looking for investors to open additional factories in the Philippines and he will provide all the material and training necessary to assure success.  To find out more about this innovative company visit their website at www.cbnworldstar.com.  I think you might be a bit intrigued as this venture is on the road to success.

Quality control check by boss Jeff

Each year that I witness the Filipino's carrying their crosses and beating their backs to bloody pulps I find myself wondering if maybe some of those thieves that have stolen from me and many of my friends during the year are among those making that long walk in agony.  I doubt it but my imagination sees myself being allowed to nail some of those thieves to the cross and being the one to beat their backs raw.  But the ones who steal do not seek forgiveness for their sins, they only seek opportunities to be more successful in their chosen trade, stealing!  So, Easter has passed and that ole bunny has hopped his way into April along with some very hot weather.  Horses suffer in the heat but I am grateful that whenever I am thirsty, I can get a cold drink with no problem.  I am grateful that water is plentiful and my throat does not have to experience the pain of prolonged thirst.  It is a simple thing to be grateful for but then; it does not take much to keep a horse happy.  Oh yes, remember, be kind to horses, especially if you see a thirsty one.